Nonexistantlove’s Weblog

I’m increasingly stressed out and forgetful. Then I get all fed up with myself. I have no idea why.

But thanks to her, everything seems to be alright in the end.

I’m too tired now to elaborate but she knows how great she has been to me.

You know I know how good you’ve been to me.

And i know you know how important you are to me.

不是说好不分开的吗?

I thought we had a pact.

I thought we were deeply rooted in each other’s lives.

I thought I was.

What are we left with now?

Jubilate was great. It really was. I’ll be holding these wonderful memories tight as I step down from LD. This play was about the history of St.Nicks and this makes this play extra memorable and precious. I am pleased to have been a part of it and this shall be my last tribute to LD and St.Nicks. Drama-wise.

Life has been hell. Something’s not right but i can’t pinpoint it. This problem has existed for a long time but because it cleared up a little, I neglected it and to my dismay, when I looked at it now, I realised I have never really truly let go of it and it has aggravated. That’s just even more heavy and painful now. It hurts so much that I can’t breathe properly and my heart’s all cold and heavy all of the sudden. I do hate emotional roller-coasters.

Luckily for me, they’re always there for me. Chua and cheng will always care and talk to me about stuff, comforting me whenever i can. I can never cheer up fully, but it’s my fault not theirs. After I get hurt, it takes some time before I can open my heart to others again. Jamie managed to amuse me though. I was bent over the balcony then she saw and started screeching,”Bu Yao Tiao! Bu Yao Tiao!” Gosh that made me laughed. Haha. Thanks for them.

Of course, Joanne has always been here for me. This I greatly appreciated. You make me laugh and you make me smile. Similarly I want to do the same for you. So whatever happens, I’m right here. Thanks dear, for everything. I’ve said that a thousand times, but you know that I really mean it.

Maybe It’s time for me to wake up. To stop living in that joyful world.

That you built for me with your laughter.

I thought for a split second that it might, might be forever.

And actually it lasted for an afternoon.

I don’t want to leave with a mark behind.

I really don’t.

Just an update about school today. And I was so damn pissed and amused at the same time.

Chinese lesson~

Eunice and Christabel : “…chit…chat…chit…chat…”

Tym : ( rudely interrupting our girls’ talk and rudely invading our privacy by staring at our empty compre answer scripts ) ”Ni men zuo le mei you?”

Eunice : “Zuo le!” *opening up first page-fill in the blanks section*

To her dismay, his sharp eyes caught the sight of her empty foolscap paper with only the question number on top.

Tym : “Orh! Yi dao li jie wen da jiu lan de zuo le shi bu shi?!”

And because she’s so very honest and upright and truthful, she..

Eunice : *Nods nods*

Eunice’s legs were sticking out from under the table at that point so he..

Tym : *steps on eunice’s right foot with a menacing and sadistic look on his face”

Eunice : “WO DE JIAO!!!” *Glares*

Christabel and Natasha : “HAHAHA…”

Man, they’re great tablemates. Natasha practically has nothing on her body except skins and bones. Christabel is about the same except that she has a lot of muscles too. And what do they always do?

Christabel : *Pinches her skin* “Look eunice! FATS!”

Eunice : “That’s your skin, Christabel.”

Natasha : “Look! me too!” *Pinches some dead skin cells and some body hair* “I’m so fat!”

Eunice : “Excuse me. Are the both of you insulting me?”

Okay. So my dear teachers, this is the reason why the three of us aren’t performing well in the academic aspect. While you all are drooning on about Venice and the Ottoman Empire, the children using abacus, position vectors and vegetable oil, the three of us, sitting right in front of the whiteboard, are pinching our poor epidermal cells and hailing them as fats. Well, not three. The BOTH of them only. I really truly do pinch fats.

I’ll miss them alot when we change places next term. They’ve been fabulous tablemates and they’re always there when I needed someone to comfort me. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been sitting with them, I feel really comfortable with them and when I’m down, seeing them makes me feel glad and comforted. Like nothing can really go wrong with them around. Thank you to you both, for everything.

Eunice Lim. You moron. You get upset over senseless and stupid stuff, so insignificant that if you even mention it slightly you’ll be the joke of the century. Why can’t you just be a bit more sociable?! Stop rejecting crowds you idiot!! Sometimes I feel that time passes so fast and sometimes I wish it’ll stop for a while. But sometimes i just want time to zoom past and take away all the unhappy events I don’t look forward to. And bring away all my troubles, leaving me with happiness and bliss. Please do.

Just looking at you is enough. And seeing you smile, even if it’s not at me. It’s enough.

Cause you make me feel as if nothing can go wrong anymore.

In my small small insignificant world.

Why is everything going the wrong way? My world is suddenly punctured by huge black holes. And I seem to be falling into them. They’re never-ending. I can’t fill them up. They’ll fade soon enough. Of course they will. But someone told me today,”Time is torturous.”

And that’s why I’m feeling so devastated now. Is that the correct word to use? I don’t know.

All I know is that I want to huddle up in my blanket and block myself out. When those black holes have closed up, will someone be kind enough to prod me and tell me in a tender voice full of love,”Eunice, it’s all over. We still love you.”? Will there be that someone? And will that someone be the one I wish for?

I’ve only got one dumb answer.

I don’t know.

sometimes hard as you try

things don’t stay

sometimes fate surprises you in the weirdest ways

yes

mostly in the bad way

but sometimes the good too

if you believe in it then it will come true

Please, no matter what you do, don’t hurt her.

Even if it isn’t deliberate.

Cause she’s someone I love so very dearly.

And whom I want to protect with all my life.

2.4 km napfa run. 14.48 minutes. B. WOOHOO!! I tell you, this comes with sacrifice. I had a slight fever the day before and my temperature went from 37.6 to 37.5 to 37.3 to 36.9! I was damn happy! I cannot stand the thought of not seeing Joanne, Chua, Cheng, Ethel, Tessa…and not being able to run 2.4 with Cheng and my beloved 4-Wisdom. Although I paid heavily for this. I got a bad BAD heat stroke and yeah, Chua, Cheng, Ethel, Jasmine Toh…took one whole hour to get me standing again. But I still slept through math cause my head was thumping. After school, Joanne and jasmine Toh accompanied me until 3.00. Then Daddy called and said he was reaching in 15 minutes. So I bid goodbye and went down. Suddenly Joanne chased after me and told me that mrs chan didn’t appear for her english remedial so she still had time to spare before her hockey training. So we sat at Father Barre and chatted for another 15 minutes or so.

I’m really very very grateful to those who took care of me. My headache’s gone already and I’m all alive and kicking But I’m pretty tired, as I know almost everyone are. Take a good rest my loves! Especially you, Chua

OH. Cheng suddenly ran damn fast during the fourth round. I didn’t know where she got the energy to. Then Chua told me something about Cheng seeing Sining and she got the motivation to run fast. so yeah.

thank you huixian, for the lovely note

Oh yes. I do looked extremely tired but still. Thank you Joanne.

You know I love you.

My thoughts are all mixed up now and I can’t think of a clear-cut emotion to feel at this point of time. Everything’s been fine really. But I feel rejected somehow by the ones I love so dearly. I just want to be there, but the selfish side of me starts to create chaos and actually wants them to know that I’ll be there. It’s just not right and I know.

I don’t understand myself sometimes and I hate the feeling of being lost. I just think and think so much that things just seemed more complicated than it actually is. I know I can be strong, but the feeling of having to face it all bravely scares me. And I just want to hold on to those people who loved me. And not let go for dear life.

And actually, when we go back to square one, all that I wanted was for them to know that I loved them. And will always do. It’s just so simple, and yet so complicated.

Words you gave

were a slap in my face.

Nothing menacing, nothing mean

Just the fact that you don’t love me.

We had the first day of our Project Super Achievers 3-day workshop today. It was really rather fun cause Wisdom, Faith and Grace are all sporty and fun classes

Anyway, I remembered laughing at countless things but whenever Joanne or TIME is mentioned, I seemed to get alot of attention. Hmmm.

Chua just kept inflating Joanne’s ego by telling her that she’s very cute. Seriously. Then Chua says I’m not cute. HMPH. FINE.

Chua went to tell Joanne that I’m two-timing her. And I had to spend so much time pacifying her. Chua you little trouble-maker!

When some group was presenting their list of time-wasters, Cheng leaned over and told me,”Ey, actually I do everything on the list leh. If I don’t do them, I will have no life.”Haha. Damn funny.

There were many more fun things but I don’t remember liao. From the above, we can conclude that today has been a fruitful and fantastic day Thanks to Chua, Cheng, Tessa, Joanne and the rest of my class and 4 faith and 4 grace.

I should be motivated and go study now. But I don’t want to. Maybe I’ll start tomorrow?